Thursday, January 31, 2008

I Understand that Home is the "Safe Place"

I also understand that life isn't all ice cream cones and pony rides. I also know that sometimes I really dislike autism and what it does to my beautiful son.

The last few weeks have been rough. Rough is really putting it lightly. Logan went on a sleep strike which brought his resistance down and he ended up getting sick.....sick and angry. He didn't want to take any medicine which didn't help matters. I think we are finally making strides on getting his nighttime rythm back but he is still acting out. He's not acting out at school, with the therapists, at gym....it's all coming to a boiling point at home. Just getting him dressed for school was like performing an exorcism. He screamed, hit, scratched, kicked. I know, I know....don't take it personal. It's hard not to when the slap in the face really IS a slap in the face.

I love him unconditionally with every ounce of my being and understand that home is the safe place where you can let it all hang out. It's where you can be yourself after you've held it together to fit in all day. It just sucks to be on the receiving end of that.

My brain is tired and there is so much to do......get ready for the support group meeting tonight, try to make sense out of all of our medical deductibles so we can file our taxes, sort out what his summer plan is going to be (yes, it's not even Feb and camps start booking soon) and cleaning this mess of a house.

I want....no I NEED a vacation!

8 comments:

Kelly said...

I'll be saying some extra prayers for you guys!!!Try and get some rest or just some time to yourself. Hugs

Our Family of 5 said...

Hang in there Tara. If I can do anything to help, just call!

Amy S. said...

Hi Tara,
I forgot now how I came across your blog..but so glad I did. I love all the pictures of your beautiful family!
I KNOW Exactly what you are going through with Logan...as we too have Jordan who has autism and he will be 15 in March. We have been through all you have been through and more! Things do get better as they get older. I promise! I think I saw the picture of him in his class..it seems to be a typical classroom. Am I right?
I look forward to visiting your blog again.

Love and Hugs..
Amy

PS...i do know all to well about when they don't sleep! :(

Ruthanne said...

You are such a good mom. Some day Logan will realize how truly fortunate he is to have parents who love him so unconditionally and take whatever steps are necessary to make sure he is taken care of.
Hope you get some sleep (and a vacation) soon, mamacita.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that things are so tough right now. I'm praying for you and your family. You are a wonderful mother!

Lisa

Mindy said...

I am so glad that you are updating your blog because I MISS you...we need to get together soon...all us girls like we planned. It's not exactly a vacation, but a break may be as good as it can get for now?? I will really say a prayer for you guys...I know what a great mother you are and how patient and loving you are with Logan. He is a wonderful kids who has made leaps and bounds because of YOU Tara...so even in those darker days...which will come...please remember how far you have helped bring him, how much he loves you, and what a truly amazing and inspirational mother you truly are.
Many Hugs!!

Gwen, Jenny, & Mia said...

Oh Tara you are such a good mom and we can all tell. You are very story and Logan is very fortunate to have and you and things can only get better. Logan is such a cutie and Devon is so beautiful!

(((HUGS)))

Susan said...

Big hugs Tara. You are a wonderful mommy. I can't even imagine all you do for your son. He is blessed. I know he blesses your lives to just unfortunately not at night right now.

Hopefully he settles into sleeping again soon.

Susan